Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dear god my vagina.
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