I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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