i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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