i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
