Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
