So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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