Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
