I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
