at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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