I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
