She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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