you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
