I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My cat gives me a boner
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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