I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
