Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize