You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
