Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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