Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My ass is underappreciated
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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