brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize