I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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