He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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