So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If I die, sorry about rent.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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