He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
