i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
