In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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