I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
