i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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