Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
