i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
