Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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