Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
