You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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