Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
