i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
