tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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