While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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