I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
