I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
