So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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