Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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