Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
