woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I party with great urgency now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
