i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
