so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
