Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
