I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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