this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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