ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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