I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
