The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
