4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im holly from the hills drunk
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
