I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize