the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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