I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
