I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
