thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's blow job season.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
