Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize