I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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