I need help removing her.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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