I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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