she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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