paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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