Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
