3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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