we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
